At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
