The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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