i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
