I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
