I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I cannot find my penis.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
