2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
His hands were made for my vagina.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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