Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
