so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
