He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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