I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Randomize
