Im at strip club and am horny
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
