I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Blood and glitter go together right?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
