...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
