Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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