We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
i think i just lost a toe
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
