do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
