every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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