Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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