Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
