get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
