Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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