I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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