I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
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She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
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I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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