your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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