if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
