i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
