Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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