Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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