Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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