Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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