When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
