so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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