Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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