Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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