next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
