My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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