Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
