Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
