What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
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Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
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I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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