We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
