kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
