omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
