Me. At least after what I've been through.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
