hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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