I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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