You made me cry and you don't even care
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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