Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
