do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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