You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She bit a glass in half.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Randomize
