my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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