I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
