Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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