By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.