Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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