I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
