What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.