I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
