Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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