Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize