did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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