Already got asked if we're dating
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
