it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
