Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
