mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
