Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
