i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
