just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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