so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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