What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
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I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
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Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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