I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
