How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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