How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
