it wasn't lemon gatorade
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
