That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
