She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
