Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
