Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
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She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
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She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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