C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
