Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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