unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
