I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
