Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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