did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
