And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
