I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
